My Life. My Thoughts. My Words. My Way.
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Hello. I am starting to challenge myself to read as many books each month as I can. I decided to focus on the positive things I love in my life instead of allowing myself to self-destruct. I dealt with a bout of depression this year and suicidal ideation, so this is one of the few best things that gives me something to look forward to each day.
Think of a goal. Set the goal. See the goal through to fruition.
I will set my goal for reading in June at 10 books. My reading schedule is:
June 1-8: 3 books
“Stillhouse Lake” by Rachel Caine – currently reading
June 9-15: 3 books
June 16-22: 2 books
June 23-29: 2 books
It’s been a while since I’ve read so many books in a short time. I will update this post with the titles of books I’m currently reading and read. Wish me luck!
Selah.
The more grief I experience, I want to isolate myself. Isolating myself is nothing that is negative for me, per say. I suffer from [chronic] Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), [severe] recurrent Major Depression, and bouts of suicidal ideation. Isolating myself sometimes works best than my medicine.
No one ever wants to talk about mental illness. It is definitely taboo in the African American community. I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember. I suffered with anxiety my whole life [growing up]… so much so that I would have panic attacks. The kind that would impair my breathing. Anxiety also gave me extreme nervousness that I developed a stutter. I still stutter when I get nervous.
Isolating myself means that maybe I would not be the center of attention anymore and maybe people would forget I exist. I never asked for this. You never know what you’ve been affected by until it hits you… until it hits you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere, you’re going to think you’re doing fine when you’re doing awful.
One thing I’ve learned is, playing victim is something that is afforded to others and not myself. Clearly, people have been bothering me, harassing me, obsessively reading my tweets, and following me around. Disturbing my internal peace. Disturbing my life as it is. I’ve talked to some people I thought would help me more than I’ve tried to help myself and the only solution they could come up with is that I need to be around people when people (and their misjudgment and misunderstanding) are the problem.
This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt powerless. That I’ve felt hopeless. I feel this is an attack more than anything because who have I been bothering? Do I control myself or other people control me? Why seek to have dominion over someone who does not bother a single soul? Has anyone talked to me about what they think I think? No, because they’ve relied on the public. The untrained public to gather “evidence”.
I will say that I will stand to the very end. Even if I am alone, I will stand. Even if no one in the world understands who I am, I will still stand. In the end, I don’t need anyone but God. Over the past couple of weeks, the only person I thought I could depend on to understand me is God. God knows me. God created me. He knows every fiber in my being. The hurt I have experienced last year and this year, it is a wonder that I am still alive.
I have decided to think about what I can do next to help my situation instead of continuing to self-destruct. Positive thoughts and vibes.
Selah.
Hey, guys. I know it’s been a while, but I want to tell you about one of the best trilogies or series I’ve ever read! Book #2 in the Snow Like Ashes trilogy/series will be releasing on October 13th. Have you preordered Ice Like Fire? Let me back up a bit, have you read Snow Like Ashes? If you haven’t, you are missing out! And if you have, you may want to read the last four chapters or so if you forgot the conclusion. It was epic!
If you’ve read the first book, let me know how you feel about it! If you’re excited about the second book, tell me how excited you are! I honestly can’t wait. I haven’t decided if I want to preorder it on my Kindle or wait for release day and pick it up at my local Barnes & Noble. Decisions. Many individuals in the book community have review copies and are currently reading. Make sure you stay away from their tweets on Twitter and other social outlets. I know it’s hard, but keep the faith! Beware of spoilers!
Kneel or Bleed.
Yay! Epic Reads just revealed the cover of the next book in the Red Queen Trilogy and I’m so excited! If you haven’t read Red Queen, make sure you do! You won’t be disappointed. 🙂
June was all about reading the Angelfall trilogy, finishing up books I put aside, and new books I found the time for reading. I finished reading Half Wild and Young Elites that I didn’t finish reading before I took a break. I started reading Talon in June, but did not finish it in time. I can’t believe how fast I read the trilogy! That can only mean it was good! I’m really excited about this month’s reads! I don’t have a list like always, but I will review the books I read. The books included in this post have reviews that you can check out.
I’ve heard several views of Red Queen, so I wanted to read the book for myself. The reviews I read before I got into the book told me that people either really loved the book or really hated the book. It sparked my interest immediately, so I picked it up! (From my local library, of course). The characters of the story and what they deal with definitely remind me of Red Rising and Falling Kingdoms. The story reminds me of Red Rising because the characters have to go through a rough life because of who they are. Instead of it being the color of their skin, it’s the color of their blood that makes them different and cause strife. I am reminded of Falling Kingdoms too because the last person who would become royalty does become royalty and that person is hidden from others.
The story begins with a girl named Mare Barrow who lives with her family in the land of Reds and Silvers where the color of your blood determines your status in life. If that isn’t hard enough to fathom, when a person turns a certain age they have to be conscripted, meaning drafted, to the army and it’s usually when they turn 17 (If I remember correctly). Barrow isn’t the best upstanding citizen. She does many things that aren’t lawful, which she sees as a way to get buy and survive because she’s treated unequally as a Red and she feels she lives in the shadow of her perfect younger sister. One day while out on the run from her actions in a recent event she couldn’t stand to face, she stumbles upon a young man named Cal who will eventually change her life forever.
I think there’s realism in the story. I think the characters act and think in ways that we would in our every day lives if we were in their situation. Was the story predictable? A little, not much. Like I said before, it did remind me of two other books, but other than that I found the story to be a pleasant read. This book is labeled as young adult, but it’s a very mature read that older adults would enjoy as well. The mysterious nature of the story is what kept me reading until the end. I was trying to figure out who was betraying who! I had questions like, “How can anyone not notice this is happening? This is too easy to get by with!” And behold, in the end all of my questions were answered. It’s really well written as far as having the reader second guess what they thought before. I loved that expect of it.
I recommend this book. There is a second book in the works and a third. I’m excited to see how events will unfold in the next installment.
